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Joy Rosendale, a sex-addiction therapist specialising in partner work, instigated the first one in the UK back in 2005, following her own experiences.“Although there is usually huge reluctance for partners to seek help, let alone come into a group, because of the privacy and shame, something happens in these groups that liberates these women – and I say women because in my experience, it is usually women who access them,” says Rosendale, who still runs the group at the Marylebone Centre, London.To be fair on Rachel’s friends, there is some debate about whether the term sex addiction is scientifically accurate, but the field of addiction is changing fast and emphasis is shifting from the substance to the psychological symptoms of addiction.The NHS has a website page dedicated to sex addiction.The reality for most partners I see is that they experience phenomenal shock.” The damage to self-esteem, she continues, isn’t just about the sexualised behaviour, such as visits to prostitutes that partners never knew about.It’s the fact that they’ve lived with someone so long and had no idea.I felt that meant the risk of relapse was too great, so I left.

“First, the addict goes into recovery on their own to work out causes and develop relapse prevention strategies.

Traditionally, most partners of sex addicts have been treated as co-dependents, says Hall.

“The presumption is that the partner knew at some level what was going on and was ‘enabling’ it, which is frankly an insult.

Some relationship therapists work with the partner’s pain by treating it as an infidelity, for example, but it’s so much more than that – and sometimes it isn’t even that at all, with some people not actually having sex elsewhere, but using porn instead.” No wonder Hall’s therapeutic practice, which recognises the uniqueness of the partner’s pain, has gone from strength to strength.

Also providing a haven of hope is the small, but growing, number of support groups.

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