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The idea of transmitting to someone was horrifying, revolting, and distinctly not arousing.

It was nine or ten months before I even felt comfortable sleeping naked with a partner, as if the virus was suddenly going to spring into alertness and rub itself all over my boyfriend’s crotch while I was unconscious.

Informed consent is not only important, it’s crucial.

However, adults are not being reckless if they make these decisions together. I don’t want to say that sex with condoms sucks, because condoms are useful and important.

When I became sexually active, my primary fear also wasn’t of getting an STI—it was of pregnancy.

There is less friction, less need for copious lubricant, and I don’t have to worry as much about getting UTIs or yeast infections. It means something substantial about a relationship, that a partner will go to such an intimate place with me.But I also respect their ability to make the choices that are right for them, and eventually I came to accept that it wouldn’t be my “fault” if I transmitted herpes to a partner.Anyone who knows they have an STI and has sex with someone without disclosing is, frankly, an asshole in my book.Despite having abstinence-only sex education in my public high school, I absorbed the message that condoms were a must from my family and from the sex education I cobbled together on my own.Having sex without a condom simply wasn’t worth the cognitive dissonance of risk, irresponsibility, and fear.

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