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You cannot go back to the place you were before, and wishing for that is going to keep you stuck in this place of pain and, yes, anger.

Best of luck, Erika Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC, is a licensed psychotherapist and former educator specializing in working with families in transition (often due to separation or divorce) as well as individuals seeking support with relationship issues, parenting, depression, anxiety, grief/loss/bereavement, and managing major life changes.

I urge you and your husband to find a couples counselor who can work with you on how to reconnect after an affair.

You can build something together, and it can be something beautiful, but it will be something new.

Are you stuck on the message, “I didn’t deserve this. One common message that betrayed spouses struggle with is, “It’s not fair. You are suffering, and he is likely aware that his actions are at the root of that suffering. If you truly want to stay with him and rebuild a relationship together, you are going to need to choose to let it go.

Often, when we have been hurt, we need to feel that the other person truly understands the pain we are experiencing and gets how serious the emotional pain and betrayal really are.Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition.Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on Good You say you don’t want to lose him, but something has been lost.The relationship you had prior to the affair is lost. It is also OK (and I strongly recommend) that you get some help with all of this.

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